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OUTSOURCING JOBS REACHES NEW HEIGHTS
by Staff Reporter Melinda Jill
Washington
DC - Congress
today announced that the Office of President of the United States will be
outsourced to overseas interests. The move is being made to save $400K a
year in salary, a record $521 Billion in deficit
expenditures and related overhead.
"The cost savings will be quite
significant" says Congressman Adam Smith (D - Wash) who, with the aid of
the GAO (the General Accounting Office) has studied outsourcing of American jobs
extensively. "We simply can no longer afford this level of outlay and
remain competitive in the world stage", Congressman Smith said.
Mr. Bush was informed by email this morning of the
termination of his position. He will receive health coverage, expenses and
salary until his final day of employment. After that, with a two week waiting
period, he will then be eligible for $240 dollars a week from unemployment
insurance for 13 weeks. Unfortunately he will not be able to receive state
Medicaid health insurance coverage as his unemployment benefits are over the
required limit.
Preparations
have been underway for some time for the job move. Sandi Grinder Singh of
Indus Teleservices, Mumbai, India, will be assuming
the
Office of President of the United States.
Mr. Singh was
born in the United States while his parents were here on student visas, thus
making him eligible for the position. He will receive a salary of $320
(US$) a month but with no health coverage or other benefits. Due to the time
difference between the US and India, Mr. Singh will be working primarily at
night, when offices of the US Government will be
open.
"I
am excited to serve in this position," Mr. Singh stated in an exclusive
interview. "Working nights will let me keep my day job at the American
Express call center. I always knew I could be President someday."
Congress stressed patience when calling Mr. Singh,
as he may not be fully aware of all the issues involved with his new position. A
Congressional Spokesperson noted that Mr. Singh has been given a script tree to
follow which will allow him to respond to most topics of concern. The
Spokesperson further noted that "additional savings will be realized
as these scripting tools have been successfully used by Mr. Bush and will
enable Mr. Singh to provide an answer without having to fully understand the
issue itself."
Mr. Bush has been offered the use of a
Congressional Page to help him write a resume and prepare for his upcoming job
transition. According to Manpower, Inc., the placement firm, Mr. Bush may
have difficulties in securing a new position, as job prospects in the
Sports Franchise Ownership arena remain limited. A recently released report from
the Pentagon suggests a good prospect for him as a newly unemployed person
may be in the Army National Guard. There he would be called up with his unit and
stationed in Iraq, a country he has visited briefly before. "I've been
there, I know all about Iraq and the conditions there," stated Mr. Bush. He
gained invaluable knowledge of the country in his first visit at the Baghdad
Airport non-smoking terminal and gift shop.
Meanwhile in Baghdad, Iraq, sources report that
local Iraqis say Mr. Bush would receive an especially warm reception from them.
Such sources stated the Iraqis only request would be to be informed of which
convoy he would be riding in order to give him the welcome he so richly
deserves.
Congress
continues to explore other outsourcing possibilities including that of
Vice-president and most Cabinet positions
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